Dear YOU..

u came into my life, like u were dignified..

bring me a bunch of fun and laughs..

u colored my days with ur own language..

and that time i saw a boy that was one of a kind..

u always made me smile..

and even u always made me cry..

i can feel something different in myself..

u've changed me!

feels warm when i hug u..

feels happy when i kiss u..

feels empty when u're not around..

feels crazy when u let me down..

now u want to fly away, so i set u free..

but when ur world ain't working right..

u know that i will always be here for u..

i'll be ur home when u have nowhere to go..

thank u for all the laughs and tears that u gave to me..

thank u for giving me the best thing in my life..

because before i met u, i never knew what love is..

thank u for giving me this happy ending..

i still love u, and will always be..

dedicated to Anthony Gerard Morris

a drunk call

told me that u were crying cuz u miss me..

told me that u were thinking of me all the time..

told me that u still care about me..

told me that u still love me..

told me that u didn't feel so right when u're with me, but when i'm gone u never be sober and it all seems not right..

told me that u'll figure out how can we can be normally together..

told me that u'll take me to ur paradise..

that was making me smile..

but then u told me u don't think that we can have a normal relationship..

and told me i broke ur heart 3 times already when we still in a relationship..

that was making me sad..

i am sorry baby, i never mean to break ur heart cuz i do love u so much and i still do..

then i told u the truth that my heart is breaking into so many pieces..

i told u i feel so lost without u..

i told u life is getting hard when u're not here..

and i told u i can't get u out of my mind..

then u feel happy for it cuz finally i tell u the truth..

but when u said "baby, i feel sick now.. where r u?? i feel sick and u're not here.."

that makes me feel soooo bad... i am sorry, and i wish i could be there for u and looking after u like i always did before everytime u feel sick..

i am really missing u so badly babe..

and it's torturing me so bad..

3rd night without you..

day time :
oh well, i'm feeling better now..
finally i've heard something for u..
all feelings r mixed!!! sad, happy, confused, angry, nervous, upset.. lol
can't describe it by words..
i feel glad that u're fine over there, and i feel happy when u text me and remind me to not get drunk again tonight.. lol and i am sober now! haha
i have a lil smile now.. not really a beautiful smile, but at least i can start to smile.. :)
thanks for talking to me today..

night time :
thought i could sleep now cuz i've been talking to u today but no!
i still can't sleep.. u r still in my head and bothering my night time!!!
i was trying to sleep early, cuz i feel tired and a bit sleepy..
but when i lay down on my bed and get the blanket, i just realized it's ur blanket!!!
i still can feel your smell in that blanket..
ohh.. i really miss that night!!!
i still can remember i was sleeping next to u underneath that blanket, cuddling with u, and u gave me so many kisses and made me feel like a lil kid..
u really take care of me when i'm sleeping, and i feel safe..
that's the best feeling ever..

but what now??
that feeling about that memory starts hunting me..
i trapped in that feeling! it's like a very small strong jail!
i can't get out from it!
and start crying again..

*sigh* i don't know why i still feel scare to face the truth that u were already gone.. :'(